Make up your own blog entry question —
This creative blog is written in the same style of Henry Lawson where he describes in his short stories the brutality yet beauty of the Australian landscape.
I adjusted my toes inside my worn boots in preparation for the cold to creep through the leather and chill me to the bone. Continuing with haste, the ground began to slosh as the soil turned to mud and wet leaves. The air around me seemed to drop as the sun refused to show, like it was in fear to be seen. Further ahead I could see the dark shrubs which arched over the path, competing for the break of sunlight.
For the first week of winter it was my job to count the hay bales to see if there was enough for the herd throughout the dry season. Year in and out, ever since I could remember, I did this, with each passing year I learnt to appreciate the land a little more.
However, on this particular morning a singing caw let out above me. I turned to my left to see two birds sitting on a branch, gently cleaning each other, necks intertwined.
I stepped forward, but broke a stick beneath my boot, the light crunch echoed across the valley. The now startled birds instantly flew off into the horizon. Wings outstretched as they danced with the wind, as if it was no effort at all.
Although I had never felt a love so strong like the bond between two, (stuck out here in the bush alone), I distinctly remember longing for the carefree freedom and naïvety that the lover birds possessed. A taste of gliding amongst the air. Bliss.
I decided to follow the birds to their resting place; they had reached the other side of the paddock, at the first row of trees. Upon arrival, I felt small and isolated at the start of the forest but continued to walk until I reached the waterfall…
The faint spray of water flicked off boulders that emitted a strong scent of rotting moss. Deceptive in its innocent appearance, the trickling waterfall swirled into a plunge pool, so deep, that drowning was inevitable. It was a force of nature, both beautiful and brutal. Serenity encompassed the land as not a foreign sound could be heard.
Sensing the potential danger of the bush, I turned back to count the hay bales. I thought to myself that this adventure further into the forest was to be saved for another day.
Caitlin McCartney 
Hi Caitlin,
It’s great to see a creative writing blog from you. I know it can be a challenge to put your writing out there – as I always feel creative blogs are somewhat more personal than critical ones. I enjoy the environment you have created with your words as well as your choice with the supporting image of the waterfall. My favourite line was “Wings outstretched as they danced with the wind, as if it was no effort at all”. I thought it was a great depiction of birds and clearly illustrated the nature of the animal. The sentence “The faint spray of water flicked off boulders that emitted a strong scent of rotting moss” also stood out for me. I felt it captured the essence of being at the bottom of a waterfall in the Australian rainforest.
I think this entry could have used additional editing, looking at word choice and punctuation to better get your thoughts across. For example, the line “However on this particular morning a singing caw let out above me” would have been better served with a comma after “however”.
Also, with the sentence, “Deceptive in its innocent appearance, the trickling waterfall swirled into a plunge pool, so deep, that drowning was inevitable”. This instead could be something like, “The trickling waterfall was deceptive in its innocent appearance, the water swirled into a plunge pool so deep, drowning would be inevitable”.
Otherwise, great job! Can’t wait to see what you write next.
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Caitlin,
Excellent piece of work. You did a great job of contrasting the beauty of the land with the unpleasant aspects of it. I like the vocabulary that you have used and how you personified many things that you talked about. For example, the sentence, “Further ahead I could see the dark shrubs which arched over the path, competing for the break of sunlight.” Works really well in your piece. I can picture the path you are describing and the shrubs contrasted on the light back ground. You did a great job using sensory details and I like how you went out of the loop to make up your own blog entry question. There were just some minor grammatical errors that needed fixing. For example, these two sentences could be combined with a semi colon to better show their relation, “The now startled birds instantly flew off into the horizon. Wings outstretched as they danced with the wind, as if it was no effort at all.” Other than some small, minor errors fantastic job. I look forward to reading more of your work.
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Hey Caitlin,
This was a really enjoyable read. It takes the reader on an emotional rollercoaster. From the dreary and dark overtones of sloshing through mud with tattered boots to the inspiring love and that the birds possess and the tranquility of the waterfall.
The serene picture your words paint of the waterfall immerses the reader into these surroundings as it does for the varying landscapes.
The only correction I could make is instead of saying
“the sun refused to show, like it was in fear to be seen.”
maybe you could’ve worded it this way
“the sun refused to show, as if it feared being seen”
This way it maintains the past tense that has been established.
Other than that minor note, this was a journey I was happy to embark on. This is great as your first creative blog and I hope to see more.
Great work!
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That is a fabulous entry Caitlin… you capture your experience with vividness and excitement. I hear both Henry Lawson and Miles Franklin in your voice as you describe the scenery. Well done! There is some poetic license in your sentence structure… but that is permissible in creative work 🙂
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